Impostor Syndrome: Being a Graduate Student in the Sciences

What is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is that annoying voice inside your head that insists on telling you that you don’t belong to anything and that don’t deserve any achievement you receive. It says, “Why would you bother applying for that? You don’t have the credentials and even if you did, you wouldn’t get it.” It says after a milestone is reached, “You don’t deserve this. You haven’t worked hard enough to be here. They have mistaken you for someone else.” It says after criticism is given to you, “See, I told you. They are seeing right through you. You are faking it and definitely not making it.”

Impostor syndrome comes in many shapes and sizes. In her book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women (Young 2011), Dr. Valarie Young describes five different types of imposter thoughts. There is the Perfectionist who primarily focuses on how something is done. It must be perfect or the whole endeavor is a failure. The Expert is much like the Perfectionist but expects to know or be able to do everything required to complete a task. The Soloist wants to do everything on their own, receiving help is denoted as a failure. The Natural Genius expects everything to come easily. Any type of struggle will evoke shame for the Natural Genius. Finally, there is the Super-person. This impostor thought is defined as a measurement of competence based on how many roles can be juggled and excelled in. These people feel like they should be able to handle it all and never fall short.

Are any of these you? The Super-person resonates most with me. For most of my PhD, I have been a “yes” person. I take on task after task. At the beginning, I took on responsibilities because I thought I was a lousy scientist and wanted to be good at something, literally anything. I was thinking “Maybe someone will see how much I am doing and recognize me for it” or “Maybe I could feel like I belong to this program even if I am not good at science”. Needless to say, it didn’t work. My impostor voice still whispers in my ear even now, pulling me down.

My Experience with Impostor Syndrome

It was the end of my first year in graduate school, and the exam that would decide if I would move forward or not was weeks away. In those weeks, I had poured over the literature and class materials that I thought would be in the exam. I was scared, paranoid. I knew I was going to fail. There was no way that I was smart enough or diligent enough to be in graduate school. The exam committee, full of my department’s professors knew that, my fellow graduate students knew that, and with all my heart, I knew that. With clammy hands and an anxious feeling in my stomach, I took the exam. Three days later, I was told that I passed! Excitement rushed over me but only for a brief moment. That excitement was followed by a feeling of overwhelming anxiety. I started thinking: “They must have made a huge mistake. The accepting committee must have confused my name with someone else’s. There is no way that I am smart enough to be in this program.”

It has been 5 years and a published scientific article since that exam. I am still convinced that I was supposed to fail and will be found as an incompetent fake any day. I, like many others, suffer from impostor syndrome.

I am not alone feeling like an imposter in my own life and work. This feeling affects both men and women and a lot of them. Impostor syndrome was first defined in 1978 by Suzanne Ament Imes and Pauline Rose Clance as an internal experience of intellectual phoniness (Clance and Imes 1978). Though high credentials have been achieved, those who experience impostor syndrome believe that they are not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise. Feelings of anxiety and depression also accompany impostor syndrome because of the constant fear of being found as a fraud. This can eventually lead afflicted individuals to stop trying new things and challenging themselves. Behavior such as this is not only detrimental to the individual but also to the organization or company.

How Can You Shake Off Impostor Syndrome?

How can impostor syndrome be conquered? I am no expert and clearly still struggling with impostor syndrome but there are numerous resources and coaching out there that can help you battle this. Here are a few tips that have been working for me:

1. Recognize when you feel like an impostor

To combat imposter thoughts, recognize when you have them and put your mind to another task or activity.

For example, I have been flooded with thoughts of being an impostor when job searching and writing my dissertation. When those thoughts start to amplify, I go for a run, play with my puppy, or clean something. These other activities not only take my mind off the unwelcome thoughts but also release chemicals in my brain that make me feel happier. I can then come back to my original task refreshed and in a better mental state. 

2. Be kind to yourself and use words of affirmation

This one speaks for itself. We need to be nicer to ourselves! When we challenge negative thoughts with words of positive affirmation often enough, we start to believe them and change our mindset. Repeat after me, “You are an awesome and highly capable person. Go get them!”

3. Talk to your peers about your feelings

We are not alone — so many of us feel like imposters. Having an open conversation with peers can put these feelings and thoughts into perspective. It is also helpful to have a teammate to fight these thoughts and remind us to be kinder to ourselves.

4. Be kind to others

We never know the full story of what someone else is going through. Being kind and supportive may help someone else out of their impostor syndrome.